Happy Happy Happy

All smiles as you do :-) Had a really good time on Saturday at Kelly's moms wedding, got slightly drunker than i had hoped and ended up staying the night at Stevens (not complaining :P ) In other news i have a bet with my girls to not bitch for a whole week, what do they think it am :-) i do love them :-) Also that is it xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ready for the show down!

Yesterday me and Steven had an Indian take out it was really lovely and then watched a chick flick of my choice :p, bless him it was 2 weeks notice a film i must have seen at least 20 times not that he knows that :-) then tonight is our bonfire so to nan and grandad's it is, i love it when the family comes together :-) Nails painted hair sort of done after fainting with it still wet, silly me! Bring on tonight!!! see you xxxx

Mission

Don't you think that sometimes you are exactly who you are for a reason? That nobody in this world should try and change you or for that matter even want to. Nobody is perfect of course. Why is it that all of my waking hours i feel i should be bettering myself to become a better person and on the other hand i wish people would just accept me for me! Sometimes i want change. I want to feel completely at ease and normal and happy, but the truth is life doesn't and never has worked that way. I want to stop hating people, but that is just me. I don't really hate i just you know dislike, a lot for that slight period of time. Afterwards of course i am fine and rather resent myself. There is a dull aching pain in my chest, it feels quite heavy and all i can think is, i have so fucking much to do, so many things to think of, so many events coming up. Nothing takes these things of my mind. I work for the money, I go to college to please and to hopefully get a good job to earn money. But the truth be told i don't want to any more.

BlackPool Shots

Tired

Today this household has been manic to say the least and now we prepare for more guests. My nails are painted ready for Halloween :-) let the parties begin!
Sitting here watching spider man, lovely family evening. Steven's of to a party, lucky him. (in the dark) looking forward to work tomorrow. xxx

Music, Music, Music

Half term
Ace Friends
Lack of money
Looking for something
Officially happy
With people i love
Extra original
Even in winter
Never awake.

Humans

Today has been okay Human Biology was actually really good Steven's is ill i think and lots of work needs doing. I went on a bike ride tonight and i also got an electric shock my bad :-) night night xx

;-)

Yesterday was fun i did basically all day apart from a spot of shopping then went to Tin Tin's with Steven's family lol it was really nice then went to Steven's afterwards to talk and so on it was nice just the two of us again considering i actually haven't seen him in ages :-) Now currently trying to sort out college essays/books/equipment - /life! Working some crazy ass hours this week :-) (L) speak soon xx

The 17th

Haven't blogged in a while and now that i have some time off i can let you know what has been going on recently/ the whole of summer. Started College finding it actually quite hard quite boring quite lonely and generally shit! So much for a new start i basically hate it. In other news today is Jessica's 14th birthday and she has been so excited, so yes massive party tonight a chance to get whats that, pissed? oh yeah that's the one. Steven has also moved in to the new house words cannot express how thrilled i am yay! Nothing much has happened since you yes :-) xx

Yes!! off to spain in less than 6 hours, is it really worth going to sleep?
See y'all when i get back!! xxx

A touch of exceptional

I literally haven blogged in a while only because i haven't had any energy, being ill sucks! Everything is Rosy at the minute, just working lots... pay day tomorrow :-) I totally cannot wait! This is the week leading up to the holiday, which i am very excited about, i still need to pack my bag. oops! I love it, i think that i have way too many cloths at the minute. Parties by the pool, that's what i am looking forward too :-) Sweet, post you later xxxx

It's true :-)

Now that i have a moment to myself i can gladly make a blog. Yesterday i have no idea what i did? pretty much just did nothing i think. Today we went to Eleanor's sports day where she came second in the running race :) We were glad the weather was okay for the morning. Nan and Steve came to see her even though Steve has had a hip replacement. We went back to their house and had a lovely dinner yummy, eggy bread :-) Nicer than it sounds honest. We finished there around 2ish after reminiscing old school memories :-) i like it! I am really looking forward to tomorrow, a day with the girls :P SWEET!!

To do list:

• Enjoy time of in the summer.
• Have more time with the girls.
• Get birthday presents.
• Get a camera.
• Get results.
• Have my first day at college.
• Fall in love.

A simple story

Today has been really good. I actually got up early for a change :-) I went to see Steven who has been putting many hours in at work recently, we watched a film 'the book of love'!. We then decided to mission it to McDonald's, i love food! After which we came home and i met his grandparents, i could put money on the fact they won't like me. Mom had her hospital appointment today and wont tell me what was said. Dad went to the shops to get us some yummy snacks :P i will be fat, one of these days! I have finally cleaned my room after a five day agonising attempt. Now i am very tired so will blog some more when things happen. Oh yeah and Steven brought me a really nice jumper :-) haha it is lovely, so thought full of him he knows i am always cold :-) Good Night Blogger's xxx

Fuck Sake

Today i went to the funeral. It was so sad, one of the worst i have been too. I also went to work at 5 i am so tired. McDonald's afterwards, i am so unhealthy. I can't remember the last time i saw or spoke to Steven. Sometimes you give people exactly what they want and they will always manage to throw it back in your face. Call you the name of a person you hate, then not apologise. Today i realised that life is far too short for people to complain. Today i saw my aunt and cousins who i haven't spoken to for six years, and i thought that life was too short too ignore them, so i braved it. I told her exactly who i was, and too my surprise she hugged me and started crying in the middle of my shift. I wanted to be the bigger person, i wanted to be brave, i wanted to face the world. i wanted someone to tell, i wanted someone to listen, i wanted someone to care enough to listen to my story while i was telling them, but i guess you can't have your cake and eat it right? I would really like to catch up with my friends sometime. I am actually so sad right now, sitting around for the phone to go, or to get a message, why do people always leave me hanging? I will give it to at least one in the morning, even though i have to get up at 7 in the morning, i would do it for him. Fuck it i am going to bed no one gives a shit to ask, i guess i will climb the wooden hill alone to a family that are well in to the land of nod! Good night xxx

Jess

Sorry that i haven't kept this up, it's not even because i lack the time now it is because i lack the effort. I am loving this life. Today i told my mom and i think it went down okay. I love him. I am so grateful for everything in my life at the moment i never want it too end. Nothing is really going on at the minute, Jessica is doing really well at school and has really come out of her shell now that i have left school. She no longer lives in the shadow of me nor is she 'becky's little sister' she is Jessica Hill her own person which i love. Beauty sleep calls, Good Night :-) xxx

Ironically

Perfect...

Doesn't my baby look smart? This is the only picture that we had together all night :-) and i love it! Thank you kim. Plus Kim i hope you dont mind i used your photos on here because i dont have any.

This week has been very good. Going into college for the tester week in a way i like how it has now finished, lye in here i come!! :-) It has been a memorable week for me. I have changed. Ready for college and the challenges that live is guaranteed to throw at me. Yesterday i brought a white dress for summer, now it signifies something of a darker light. Sometimes it hurts. I would gladly do it again :-) which makes me laugh. Recently i have seen more of Steven while now seeing him really at all which says a lot. College is already opening up so many different opportunities, excitement is something that runs through my veins. This weekend i am working but am hopeing to catch up with some people. I am currently looking after Eleanor, while dad is at work, mom is at the hospital, jessica is shopping away with nan so all fun! Ellie is just so messy :-) This next week i have nothing planned i dont think so yeah fun stuff here are some more pictures from prom! xx

Prom (L) xxx

That last one was like a really long post so yeah basically we had PROM yesterday. It was amazing! seeing everyone all dressed up meant the world to me. I loved it. Dancing all night long was so spectacular. Words speak 1,000 words so i will let them do the talking. Enjoy!!

I will upload more photos when i have them :-) xxx

To love, let there be love.

It is too hot for me. Now that you have gone away i can come out of my shell and breath. Why did i have to get involved in this thing called love. It is complicated and means more than my words care to explain. Although i truly enjoy it, i sometimes question my own values. In the past my relationships have never been straight forward. I don't want to look in the past, i want to stride a head in to the future. I am constantly thinking of bad things which is never attractive. If i could talk to my boy then i would, but the truth is he is no where to be found. And the truth hurts. Drama in my life is something i would like to avoid at all costs. I would like some of the simplest things, things that are free and leave an ever lasting mark upon us. Like Love and happiness, combined can be the most magical spell of all. (magic fools even the cleverest of people?). I 'love' many things, and i certainly love life. My Life. To the extent that sometimes i believe i was born for a reason.

My baby, whom i do love, and although i constantly seem to be in two opposite minds, he is the one thing i would never question: to see someone who is what they say they are makes a remarkable change to my journey, to meet someone who cares enough about you to love you and cherish you, keep you happy and would never do anything to hurt you means that they deserves my attention.

The sun has gone behind the clouds but still leaves it's mark upon the earn. It allows all things to live and to thrive. The sun is a giant star that doesn't shine at night. It allows light on earth to shine on yours and his face. To see, let there be light. To love, let there be love.

Prom prom prom so erm yeah PROM!!!!

well yesterday i did almost nothing. I went into to school in the morning (again) to try and sort out the prom to be told it was already sorted. I then braved a walk to Stevens house which was fun the basically ended up lying in bed with Steven for the best part of five hours how does that happen? Then we went to Allan's BBQ the weather was lovely for it and England finally won a game! SCORE!! I went home and pretty much went straight to bed. Then today i really didn't feel very well but any way i went to get some hair dye a new top for work on Sunday new trousers and me and mom decided we would just wonder on down to the prom venue and it is a good job we did. We got there and the lady told us that pretty much nothing had been sorted. So i had to tell her where we wanted the tables, how many to a table, what time the DJ was getting there and how long it will take him to set up, what food to have where that was going, if we had to bring a computer of our own to then put a memory stick in, how the screen works, and i even asked about the drinks on arrival to see if it was possible. The woman there said that she could do us a deal, if we had a look at how much money was left in the funds she could put a drink on for everyone. We had near enough £100 left so i said go for it, it would be a nice touch for everyone. I just hope everyone likes it, to be honest i am kind of worried that nobody will like it and everything will go wrong but my friends will be there and make the night worth while. We had to go into school as well to work out funds, complicated seems as the lady in the office wasn't in i was like 'just our look'. Now that everything is sorted, Steven has a suit i have a dress, the venue is lovely. We can just hope that the weather will be nice, i think it just makes it that little bit nicer lol. yeah i am going to bed now so good night :D

such a mommies boy!

Kim's birthday meal was nice. I kind of showed me how certain people are still childish and how people grown apart. Although saying that i really did have a nice time, i love how everyone gets dressed up and looks swish ;)

HAW?

remember that? lol

I love my girl Kim Yau i hope you had a nice birthday meal, i had a good time.

Today i have been shopping with my lovely Nanny ice cream who brought herself some lovely things whilst also buying me a new dress and some shoes :-) SWEET! it was really nice spending some quality time with her for once. After this we went to Frankie and Bennie's yummy! The limo is now sorted thank god, also my mom is going to uni and Steven sorted out his suit after having a massive stress, bring on tomorrow :-)

NIGHT NIGHT xxxx

The rise and fall of the unknown

Okay so Friday night was amazing!!! We all had so much fun and it was nice sitting outside talking with everyone, with Steven sitting next to me both in our comfy jumpers :-) I LOVE IT!! Then on Saturday another party, party, party! Ellie's birthday where she was the big 6! We had an awesome time, then everyone round here the London crew. Steven started his first job 11-6? In the evening me and Jessica went to bed before everyone else because we were like really tired. Then we woke up and basically spent the day in the garden sipping tea! Nice. We went up town for a little bit today (Steven worked 9-11) then came home everyone went home and mom and dad and Jess and Ellie went out so i tided the mess that everyone had left. Honestly if i kept this up everyday i wouldn't have to write so much. An eventful week ahead i will keep you posted :-) NIGHT xxxx

50/50

I don't know if i should laugh or cry. Today seems that much darker than before, you know just when things pick up the shit will hits the fan and reality kicks in hard. I hate shouting. The lord knows i hate shouting, it sends alarm bells ringing in my head telling me to run away and leave it behind. I know that sometimes running away from things never helps, to be brave you have to face up to them. Courage is something that lye's deep within your soul and swims through you veins happy to strike at any time. I am a Coward. I face nothing. Being who i want to be leads me to the wrong places. What a way to ruin my day. Sadness and crying are two things that i am not proud of, i think it shows weakness. Together they mean problem. What if i had shut my mouth, what if he wasn't standing there, what if she wasn't being her usually clever self, no of it would have happened. Oh the joys oh felling totally pointless. On a more brighter not i had my dress fitting today and my nan came to see me in it, bless her 'becky, how do i delete a photo?' 'go down' 'i have' 'a bit more' 'OH! i see' :-) then sitting in the garden talking a about life. Going to a peer mentoring/ learning mentors conference which was lovely. I really enjoyed myself there. Then coming home (blah!) then going out for a meal with the family from Australia, lovely again then coming home. I need to change my sheets before the guests come tomorrow, oh the joys :-)

I AM FINE

Absolutely fine. Today has been another average day. Looking after Imogen walking round the shops and everyone staring. Yesterday me and Steven wondered into Wolverhampton. I am so okay, trying not to be pissed of, it's not a nice quality. BACK then i believed you, but now i don't need. I brought a cute dress for this weekend, bring on the London crew and the fun. xx

Oh oh oh ohohoh

Today ermm well i had my science exam, just about to go in i had a moment with nessa

'you cant do this now you have an exam'

'I KNOW!'

I hope it went okay.

my bag needs cleaning so see you xxxx

Would you listen to yourself

Rebecca Hill is so glad she has finally left school, plus everything is running smooth. My amazing boyfriend, who i love very much, has decided it is amount time we got out of telford to have an adventure :-) So of course i went for that, plus i have decided to buy him some lovely clothes for some up coming events. Yes! Everything is good, work experience with photographers, job, boyfriend, family sweet as. Today i have been revising yet again, in between seeing the lovely uncle Nick who celebrated his birthday today. Jess made him the lovely cake yummy! We also went to watch Ellie swimming and she is the best in the group (by far) i love everything. Can't wait to catch up with everyone. Good luck every year 11 student for this next week of exams ahead, it is going to be a tough one :-) Good Night xxxx

why do we fall? so we can get back up again :]

I can honestly say i have been revising my ass of, in between watching quite a lot of rubbish on TV and getting distracted on the computer but never the less revision is the talk of the day, i am pretty tired. I like this, summer time, i like you. Night Night.

Oh

P.S Kim face if you need to talk at any time i am just a phone call away, this week has been crazy so when the exams are over we can catch up if you like :-)

Night xxx

W to the EEK

This past week has been so very good! I have just really been busy, which is why i have failed to blog for a while. So i figured if i went through my week it is as good as :)

Monday -
I went to watch some films and spend some time with Steven (think i blogged about that but not sure)

Tuesday -
It was supposed to be a family day but if i remember right the weather was really rubbish. i loaded all of the CD'S to the computer ( i am also pretty sure i wrote about that so... yeah :] )

Wednesday -
Wednesday was a really sweet sour day for me. I was asked out by both Nessa and Kim, however it was already arranged to spend a day with the family, we went for a meal at the four crosses and generally just spent some time together. Then after getting back in the evening i decided to ring Nessa and ask her if she still wanted to go to the cinema, so we did. We had such a great laugh from pretty much the moment that Nessa stepped out of the car in them huge heels making me feel ever smaller. The ques changed and me and Nessa got confused. Quin in the wrong places shouting out when everyone could hear, causing friction between boys and their girlfriends lmao. Shouting in the actual cinema going to the toilet in the middle of it all, speaking of middle... pretending to spill drinks so that we sat away from these girls that were looking at us. Then after watching Sex and the City 2, which was amazing as ever i really wish i had just a slice of the cake they have. Although i am very happy with everything at the moment. Any way we went to McDonald's for ice-cream and just talked until like nine, the weather was so lovely it was just lovely.

Thursday -
I decided for a clear mind i would clear out all of my room, everything had to get clean. However i didn't realise that in the evening i would be looking after Ellie! she was such a monkey and ended up falling asleep in my bed along with all of my clothes that needed to go away. Finally i finishing cleaning all i could at sometime after one...

Friday -
... I woke up at 7.30am tired :-) I finished tiding and decided to have a nice day out with Steven. I made a picnic for the both of us and then headed to Iron Bridge. We spend the whole day just sitting and chilling and just talking, it's just so nice. I love having the freedom. I had the dentist at four so it was short lived but then Steven came back to mine to talk some more and have tea. Did i mention i stood on glass, sometimes i think it just had to be me, lol. Then tonight i decided to ring Nessa to have a long talks about everything we could, it was good to talk some more, you make me laugh Nessa, lol. xxx

So yeah pretty much my week on a plate for you, i am rather tired now, tomorrow it will be revise revise revise, well that's the plan any way. Night, Night xxx

OMG, it's the first of June i didn't even realised until just know :-) YAY!

Sweet

Yesterday was really nice i went to a job interview wish i hope went okay. Then went over to Stevens to watch some films and it was really nice. Today i have simply decided to to upload all of the CD's in the house to itunes in the hope that dad will get ride of the god awful stereo and we can get an ipod classic and a huge docking station that's the plan any way it just takes a lot of time. Tomorrow we're of for a meal with the whole family should be great. :p xx

Special Edition

Hey guys, I'm still ill and these days seem to be blending together. My head it getting stronger the further i go like i am developing. Today i really haven't been able to do anything watching endless amounts of films one after the other just because i can. Not much good it will do me but i like that fact that i can do it. Cups of tea and ice cream not the best combination but good nevertheless. Sleepy time yum i love this weather. Night Night xxx

Bring on the summer!

Today has been amazing one of my favorite days in a while, getting up early walking everywhere eating, talking, playing games, skimming stones, feeding ducks. A really nice day even though i didn't fell very well, then thought i wouldn't make it, but with Nessa's help i did. Amber, Matt, Allan, Shellby, Nessa, Steven and I! Good times. Unfortunately i had to come home because i really needed a wee! Now i am simply enjoying the sun and chilling. Now that school is officially over i am much more happy. yes!

Oh well you know love

cry like you have never cried baby girl because your allowed to. I would rather die on a day like today because the heavens are already open. I need to stop pressing the red button and answer that would help. I fell out with my baby and it hurts a lot i just want somebody to talk to but sometime it's like nobody understands. Many hurtful and destroyable things have been said it's so so hurtful. I'm. so. Sorry xxx

Oh Dear, i am such a lost cause!

This weekend has been beautiful going to Kelly's yesterday which was fun, getting drunk was awful and then waking up this morning and really wishing i hadn't drunk at all. Today i have revised and then saw Steven for a little bit and now my food is almost ready it smells so yummy, i still feel sick!

today has been SHIT!!!!

sleep x

today the inspectors were in and it went well, get well soon kimface :-) we leave next week for sure, nice. things are hard for me at the moment and i dont know why its like this feeling i cant describe. i need some tea babe. night night xx

dont blame it on the sunshine...

yeah so been away this weekend and it was so hot i have been cooked... nice!  really nice weekend away to the caravan, relaxing just bloody lovely. xxx good night xxx

Because sometimes you piss me off

A kiss with a fist is better than none ...


Lalalala

Ohoh break the lock if it done fit...

Oh ‘o’ oh

Then i set fire to our be ed...

Sweet i feel the love being buried deep beneath my skin, soaring through my blood and that’s the price i pay. I wont let you do this to me because i am strong, to the world are you listening me, yes me i am strong so get you filthy hand off me and let me go. Go flying through water. I open my eyes to see so quit spoiling my view with your ugly faces. I am always louder on the inside. See me some body see me. Stretch, Speak too me! Your the drum beat to my life and the water to my lungs. I want to kiss the sun because the sun kisses me. My honey bees swing from the trees and they taste so sweet, trickle down me and make me happy like most foods can please help. Dear music never stop. Age catch me up if you can i will never be defeated i will live forever and a day. When i am wrinkled with age and hunched over with wisdom call me and tell me you love me. ILoveYou. I will run like no ones watching just to hear the wind rushing through my ears. Every body Scream. Always standing just run away. Always and forever. My sweet cherry drop hit the floor and make it crack. I am me to the world. Don’t you give me any lip i am a legend. I will be the death of you because i am strong when you reach the brick wall around me try and climb it and i’ll add another, you can not ever reach me so stop trying. I am better stronger i have never needed any one but me so what’s changed my marshmallow dumplings?

I just want to live!!

When I AM ANGRY or pissed off I write. When I am overall happy and excited I write. I use words to show case my feelings. My concern is the world and that’s my ocean. The whole world lying at my feet and me, of all people, can pick and chose. My words chosen carefully like the beautiful patterns on butterflies, roaming and free wheeling. Life cruses through my veins. You have to feel things from the inside, standing outside and really feeling the wind moving through you and listening intently to the birds singing and just feeling. I just want to feel.

oh fuck you all

bad times not liking the sticky situation i have got myself into, i  need food, bed and a job see you soon xx

your mind gets burnt by the habbits you learnt!

the sun set tonight was amazing. i have no idea why i am choosing to stay up any later than i have too because i am obviously very tired. Every time my dad works a week on nights i have to share a bed with my mom because my selfish sister wont give up her bed but i guess its not so bad. (ay lulv yooh) trying really hard to get all my coursework in and its tricky, tricky tricky tricky tri... so yeah what was i saying about being tired oh yeah sleep!

My Humble Man xx

Life is too short to be boring!

Today has been just... quick. everything seems like it is going too quick at the moment. Where are you? xx

Sleep sleep all you need is sleep

Today has been fun going up town to get some holiday clothes that was manic then Steven came back to mine and we just chilled we have just got back from taking him home. so yes a good day :P my bed is calling so only a short post, night night xx

Keeping memories

Turn it up, Turn it up for the people that say... we're moving on but we'll be okay

Today has been just another day at the office. work needs to be handed in, boyfriends staying at home because his folks are on holiday, prom dresses being totally amazing. Loving every minute of everything. Sweet ass stuff. I really hope that it stays this. today has been bliss really, dancing around at lunch time to 'just dance' rather funny if you ask me. one more unit in ICT to be done at distinction and i am all finished.
I also need to raise £100 more for prom. It's an expensive one. I also had the content of my bag emptied onto a table no thanks to Stuart! Now i am loading all my pictures to my computer so hopefully it works (fingers crossed). Yay jacket potatoes for tea, sweet post you later.

remember that time...

Science coursework is boring. My back hurts. and my web cam is not working, i need help?? other than that omg i need some food and today has been good. i don't want to moan but i haven't seen my dad in forever and won't do until Monday evening i miss him and that's all i can't believe it is MARCH! where on this earth does time go? Sleep sounds good at the moment as does food! i hate (and i mean actually hate) secrets i want to scream them out at the top of my voice and let everything out so i don't have to hide it anymore it is such a weight on my shoulders other people's shit yeah because i really need that plus my mom has said she thinks i am stressed and that's why i am having health problems, because of prom basically silly really omg my rooms also might be having a makeover, sweet xxx It's done now
'remember that time you... oh nothing'
no need!
smell you later :P xxx (this was from like three months ago but my computers messed up!!)

oh yeah and the PILL!

Shit! I hate the sound of shouting it cuts through me like glass. Nowadays I don’t really know what I am doing with myself apart from eating myself stupid. I have this burning inside of me, growing tall, like a tree is holds many secrets and over the years it has grown much knowledge. This time it hurts growing older and it hurts. You think of all of the things in life you have experienced and times it by a million and you’re not even close to all of the things you could have done. Today I am sad. Tomorrow is a new day. The rain is still poring, it lashes against the ground and holds a rhythm of its own. The sky is murky and unpredictable reflecting on life itself. Sun shine and showers. Sometimes I feel my eyes begin to melt with absolute sadness and my lungs begin to cave and my heart beats a beat I am not sure of. It’s like that split second when you lean to far back on you chair and think you are going to fall. Falling all the way to the hard ground that gives no give. Lies hurt you know. But so does the truth. My chosen second language is sarcasm and it does me no favours. I hold your heart in mine and it fits. Sometimes I confuse myself. I am cold now and tired and as I lye awkwardly trying desperately to warm up I notice my eye lids slowly starting to become heavier and heavier, the moment I have been waiting for all day, and as I close my eyes I see you. You’re smiling that smirk that you do and your eyes... and then I remember, all these feelings and emotions flooding back, and your smile makes me smile and I am happy again. My eyes closed and on the other side all I see is you.

Mental Mondays

So nothing has been happening recently, apart from the fact i haven't blogged at all due to the lack of functioning laptops, sometimes it just gets so annoying. I just have so much to say all at once. Elsewhere in the world of Becky nothing has been happening apart from music, clothes, boyfriend, friends, family, exams its kind of all systems go at the minute. This weekend has been good yesterday i spent the day with Steven watching films and today i am spending the day with the lovely Nessa, listening to some sick tunes good music. Tonight i am baby sitting such a bore lol hopefully i can just send them to bed and watch TV. I am so tired lately mom thinks i am anemic which would probably explain me always being such a bore, cough*. Pulse it has finally started to rain again, you know i really love lying in bed at night and listening to the rain beat hard against my window, sometimes it can be quite soothing. I am definitely growing accustom to my boyfriends dirty habits too not that that has anything to do with anything. Such a cutie. I have just finished another book called falling for you, i am turning into a real book worm and i love it. I also attained a place at college which i am really pleased about (finally!) My prom dress is nearly ready. And every things going well. You know what feeling when your really excited and you don't know why like Christmas accept you know Christmas is coming and this turns out to be a complete surprise... well i have that feeling. Lets hope i get a job soon so i can spoil everyone i love so much. money, listening? i break the rules often enough i should have learnt by now but no, i could literally be the queen qorm of gormvill! It is strange to think that a couple of months ago my mom didn't know how long she had left, i guess my prayers were all answered and now shes okay, better, healthy, strong even, defying gravity as it exists. And we are happy. My family are so strong, i am proud of that. So this is sweet. Christ i need a wee so i will post some more soon hopefully very soon when i have a computer. xx --B-- xx

ouch!

12 miles around lake vyrnwy on a bike, enough said :D

oh bloody hell!

Yesterday i had a good day with kim sorting out the prom tickets and today i haven't done much of anything just finished my book which was very good :) a good read was just what i needed! hopefully some time this week i will be bothered to do everything, i know i will make a to do list: ...

1. GET A JOB (another job because i haven't had a shift since feb)
2. sort out my coursework
3. sort out the porm
4. sort out my LIFE (that one comes with much time or never knowing me!)

i am banned from this so kind of need to dash xxx

16 and getting banned from things seriously when will your parents ever realise you have grown up and you need to move on i will be moving out soon, with any luck, and entering the big wide world you can't keep everything secret forever, i have to live.

i know. today has been lovely just chilling with kim wondering around the shops and in the gardens up town the weather has been great again and wearing a skirt proved to be a good decision. Eating loads of junk never going to be healthy with kim around. Last minute we decide kim should stay and so she is :) We had chocolate fondue and took loads of pictures lol it's nice to just talk about everything. hey it has been nine years today since my grandad died, so much has changed since then i  have changed since then for the better i hope but not the family, they are still shit. so much can happen in one single year, things happen and before you know it a year has gone, then two and then bang its been nine years since you sat alone in a smoky club watching people drink their lives away looking for all of the answers at the bottom of a bottle, nine years since you have seen the people you love fall to peices and cry, nine years since you have noticed everything changed, nine years since you watched you grandad being lowered six foot under and never coming back. too much too young. i miss you. & understand you are never coming back. loveyou xxx

Sun Shine

Thursday 8th
Yesterday i had a really nice time with steven, after not seeing him for one whole week, he came to mine and we had a BBQ it was lovely running around the garden drinking beer and talking it was just great.

dont you think there is a reason for everything.

Things to do:

• get back to being my usual self

and now i am happy again.

Friday 9th
Today i have just sat in the garden with my shorts on, reading and eating ice cream ,oh how i love this weather. Sun Shine at last! Finally able to catch some rays and relax. :p Bring on the week end.

Get well soon kim-face xxx(L)xxx

sweet like honey, speaking of honey...

Everything about today has just been so right, i have had a really nice day out with the lovely nessa the cinema was funny and very packed lmao roll on the good times x

T T T Tired

Spoke to by boy on the phone for three hours again today it was nice to catch up with him. looking forward to everything this weekend. the sun has even made an appearance. happy days. i actually am amazed how talking to people makes me so much happier but now i am ill not good everyone in my house is ill with something :( tut tut Becky an Early night tonight me thinks xxx

Happy 41st Birthday Daddy xxx

Dear lord, could you please warn me when somethings bad is about to happen i guess it would help.

Yay it's my dad's birthday today! i hope he had a good day :D i had a good day today which is good the lovely Vanessa came around and we watched some films and painted our nails it was nice we just had some down time, that was when i wasn't being asked to do the painting or getting drinks like seriously manic in the hilly house hold. speaking of hold, you did it again you will probably never read this but yet again you put me on hold just when you think things are good again they're not! At least you noticed this time, it helps and i can't wait for the making up part :D sleep calls, it has been for the lasting couple of weeks now and i don't know what it is but i just don't seem to be getting any honestly (moody bitch here i come) night, night.

Happy birthday the dad'ster, i love you loads xxxx

What happens after you fall?

Dear Becky

Dear Becky, cheer up.

Communication

How many different ways are there to communicate, email, text, calls, msn, post. what does it take to pick up the phone and put a little bit of effort in seriously (unless your dead in which case i am sorry). I actually want to swing a crowbar at someones head then ram it up there fucking arse not that i am pissed off or anything. some things never really change i guess. like the fact that girls will be girls and boys will be boys. I have had too much time hanging around and waiting on my phone, something i swore to God i would never do - you came into this world alone and you leave it alone so what difference does a phone call make. well actually i like them so yeah, that's a bit of a contradiction. these days i seem to be living for food. do you think someone can be born destine to do great things? i need to get out more, any offers? i guess i am free all week apart from Wednesday :-) Gosh i spend my spare time reading, so i guess i need saving more than anything, not that there is much to save. Silly really plus i am considering throwing my phone out of my window, i hate waiting. Waiting to me is like 'her you go becky here is a nice big fat cake but you can't eat it... ever' or 'you can have money when pigs fly' i find it so annoying and half the time i don't even really know what i am waiting for. cheese. How many lies do you think you tell in one single day 'are you okay?'- 'I'm fine!' or 'how was your day?' - 'okay' or 'are you mad at me?' - 'nope' half the time i don't know why i bother i need someone to talk some sense into me, if i will listen. "why is life so complicated?" - "because it's life" - "that's not an answer!" hopefully i am going out tomorrow with Vanessa. things need to get back to being sweet. plus oh yeah i now actually think i have some kind of shield around me not letting me communicate with anyone like no one answers my calls nore do they bother to return them and don't sign on to msn if your not willing to talk. I need more sleep but i hate that you know like just before you go to sleep and you think of all the crazy shit going on, and then i always think some poor old shit out there is so much worse of than me and in a strange kind of way that's comforting. so i am okay as far as everything goes, i am okay.

you know that i fucking hate you, i can't wait to get out of this place.

(L)

because your my forever and that's the way i would like it. because sometimes not everything goes to plan but that's okay. because you woke me up in the morning with a cup of tea and orange juice how i like it. because who starts a sentence with because. because i would do anything for you. because i hate to see you sad. because your the first person to call be beautiful. because your the first person i think of when i wake up. because your the first person i think of when i go to bed. because i miss you. because your the most beautiful thing i can see. because your wonderful. because you always know what to say. because i love spending time with you. because you listen. because you inspire me. because i know. because 'just so you know'. because the time i spend with you is spent and not lost. because you're there. because you think UP is sad :D. because your real. because you watch me sleep.
just because i love you (L) xxxx

;D

The pleasure is all mine

I hate it at the minute! the weather is shit and i only have to tidy up family coming over soon MANIC. I need food and a bath, post later x

post man!

hey mr post man look a me (oh yeah) is there is a letter in your bag for me? (oh mr post man) ive been waiting such a long time (oh yeah) for me to hear from that boy of mine! Xxx

Hey pretty face, welcome to the Human race

Things happen that change life in an instant i need to shape my future.

Blah.

Goodnight.

Suck my dick!

Yes i am tired, and have a busy week ahead, i hate arguments and fall outs.
Jess is blasting music yeah! so nothing has really happened today, nothing important anyway really. i hate people not telling the truth to people to, there is no need for it, if people have something to say they should just say it. xx

Shhweetheart (L)

Had a really nice day today i woke up fairly late and decided to chill and then my parents were going to hoo farm and i said oh one second please and went on msn to Steven and was like 'you want to do something today'? and i literally had two minutes until they were leaving so it was decided a movie day at Steven's it was really nice like to spend some time with him and just completely be myself, nothing is hidden and he is just so straight to the point its funny. We watched some films and talked it was lovely and it was nice to spend an unexpected extra hour with him. Eating cold Indian from the night before, like a true student but really who can afford Indian at uni? lol then i went to watch Ellie swimming where nan and Steve came after we went home and had a lovely Sunday dinner cooked by the daddy and now i can happily say i am chilling... what a weekend.

today with ness (yesterday) late/early post

lmao me and Nessa are gorms but i love it a really nice day i think, and now... i am broke again that sucks but things are good. :]

Oh no...Oh yes

Oh no. Time is fast and there is not much of it!
Oh no. Pain actually hurts.
Oh yeah. she's FIT.
Oh yeah. i can flirt.
Oh no. People are always dieing, unnecessarily.
Oh yes! School is almost over!

It is always more complicated, yet so simply?

I am drinking water in the hope it will make me healthy. Sad i know. :D

Sports Relief is funny...

night night xxx

Why so wank?

Today has been some what event full!
In all fairness i would rather remember the good times so today after school
in science we made hot drinks and took them up to the ICT Zone that was an effort within itself because we all decided to have a race and we ran so there really wasn't much left in the cup when we got to the zone.
Then i was talking to amber and turned round and had a mouthful of Stevens tea in my face, he was chocking and so i guess it had to come out, just wrong place wrong time scene, story of my life *cough*cough.
I still laughed because it was really really funny.
and know i am at home just pondering on ideas and thoughts and not really knowing where it is taking me but enjoying it.
Oh and sleep my bed is becoming more inviting by the minute, i love to sleep!
And the time is only 7.53pm what? school is tiresome work lol
Goodnight world xxx

The Fire, now thats more like it!

My name is Rebecca,
David Cameron, one day yeah i will tell him what i think of this country and that Gordon Brown is doing just fine on his own.
Today was funny fighting with the boys and knowing we would lose, still funny though to watch everyone pined to the ground and i say everyone i mean the girls!!
-Violence is fun-

Don't you think it is... complex how when you look at someone and make judgments when you really know nothing about them and like you can think their life is so simply and really every family has deep sometimes dark secrets!

I need sleep and with that comes the weird and wonderful, good night blogger's xx

Goodnight to the world x

today has been okay yesterday i was on the phone to Steven for three hours... i don't want to see my dads face when he gets the bill. and Freddie in skins noo, totally shocked now what will effy do? it's sad how TV can have such a big influence in our lives. Today i finally got my prom dress sorted. nice. i think i am going mad! tomorrow i am going to wales sleep time for now, night night xxx

Whats the name of the Game?

Me and my mother are totally loving rihanna - russian roulette.

"I'll put my hands over your eyes, but you'll peak through"

I haven't really attempted to blog in a while due to lack of time really.
So thought i would make a special effort...
...things are good

Like good, and i have more effort now and more inspiration to do things however i feel this could not have come at a worse time because i am completely broke, but still it's good. Inspiration lies in the Heart. I'm Winning. I managed to get three 'B's yesterday one in my English Literature and two in my Science one of which i was one mark of an 'A'. More Fool Me. OK.

'You had a good day love?'

Smile :D

My Blogs are becoming more random by the minute i swear one day they will just be single words.

My mom's on the phone, good news? Results are in, Hope with a capital H.


Still the prom needs sorting.

What's the voice?

What's the voice inside my head telling me to do irrational things? Who speaks to me, to inform me? To tell me, to question me to congratulate me to help me? Who!? What person is without this voice? What person is with this voice? Is it me?
You know the things that you say in your head you want nobody to ever hear, we all have them, the things not even a blogger could hold.

Destruction.

How bad must something be? what makes bad? definition of bad? Bad = life ending? is that bad, it happens to everyone in the end!

Death.

Full Stop. what can you say about it in the end we are always defeated.

i am worried. upset, frustrated, calm, collective, angry, ashamed and most of all scared.

too young!

plus may i mention it shouldn't have to happen, life is the most amazing experience someone can undertake and yet in one clean sweep we could be struck out. so fragile yet so strong.

My Mind careful constructed down to the last 'T'. But its bursting at the seams, so much to do and such little time. everything is becoming muffled and nobody knows whats what? i don't know whats what?

i need to have strength, the power, the will to help. too continue...

Sluggish.

That's what i am, SLUG to the ISH! constantly questioning, constantly answering?
So NOW what?
to laugh or to cry? or to just do both because you don't really know what to do.
to eat to smile to talk like nothing is wrong, the world is still spinning. Great!

Tired.

FULL STOP!

tonight i made dinner and Steven came!

I gots to tell you i am starting to feel like things might just be falling into place, and nothing is perfect but my god this is close I'm sure. no strings. just lovely. these times are fun, getting closer, growing apart.
sometimes i contemplate if the truth is better out? or not? someone please give me an answer? i, personally would want to know the truth even with all its complications but for people to lie and be fake, in my eyes is never on.
i really do love these times, opportunity lingers in the air and hopeful times ahead of us.
I Love You x


i am watching fantastic 4 x

Sweet

The Holidays are over and everything is go go GO! (go man go, the bridge game!)I am going to London tomorrow, i will be looking out for trends lmao not that i will see anything in a place politicians hag out lol times are good though just sorting out Lewis' IPod,i really can't believe he lent it to me of all people, i know how clumsy i am lol so i am going to get ready :D I am so happy xx

The Airplane Song

I had a good time with Steven today wondering around town looking in almost every shop lol now Nessa's presents are all sorted, oh happy days!

I dont know how to love you more (L)

I have had a really nice day out with Vanessa, lmao one of the nicest days out in a while i love laughing, maybe not hysterically and in public and almost wetting myself but never the less a very funny day out. I wore heels up town and oh how i wish i could turn back the hands of time. Me and Vanessa walking round town like we had *shit* ourselves lmao. Ouch my feet! We just had to buy new shoes (not heels, ones that did not rub!) sweet hot chocolate and a honey tasting cookie subway to finish off all washed down with oasis and a huge dose of amazing shopping and fashion glamour. What else could you need? Socks? no we got them too :D overall a promising day out, its amazing how i never need to question some peoples friendship, Nessa my very best friend of all time, my boy stalking, clumsy, clever friend you make me LOL! From then till now. OOUCH MY FEET love you long time (L) xxxx

The Golden Arches

I'm all out of blogging.

ouch!

Maybe i should stop for a bit.

I don't know everything seems to be the same, but different.

I wake up, do stuff, go to bed! Most of the time.

Yesterday was so fun, chilling with Steven all day and all night.

Then a very drunk anuty and uncle coming home which was funny, oh the joys of married life.

Overall i would say a very productive erm evening and yeah the day time too.

I think i have officially killed(no that's not the word) erm...(no still not good enough) killed and buried (no it needs more) Killed Buried, stomped and spat on the whole shopping experience for Steven now he officially hates it, nice work Becky.

simagit

Steven makes me lol xx

'no you don't'

'your retarded'

'that doesn't make sense'

'What your a virgin! oh!'

'no because i am going out with you, it makes perfect sence!! ohhhh!

*click *click *click

'thats what i thought'

(end of conversation)

I JOKE!!