Special Edition

Hey guys, I'm still ill and these days seem to be blending together. My head it getting stronger the further i go like i am developing. Today i really haven't been able to do anything watching endless amounts of films one after the other just because i can. Not much good it will do me but i like that fact that i can do it. Cups of tea and ice cream not the best combination but good nevertheless. Sleepy time yum i love this weather. Night Night xxx

Bring on the summer!

Today has been amazing one of my favorite days in a while, getting up early walking everywhere eating, talking, playing games, skimming stones, feeding ducks. A really nice day even though i didn't fell very well, then thought i wouldn't make it, but with Nessa's help i did. Amber, Matt, Allan, Shellby, Nessa, Steven and I! Good times. Unfortunately i had to come home because i really needed a wee! Now i am simply enjoying the sun and chilling. Now that school is officially over i am much more happy. yes!

Oh well you know love

cry like you have never cried baby girl because your allowed to. I would rather die on a day like today because the heavens are already open. I need to stop pressing the red button and answer that would help. I fell out with my baby and it hurts a lot i just want somebody to talk to but sometime it's like nobody understands. Many hurtful and destroyable things have been said it's so so hurtful. I'm. so. Sorry xxx

Oh Dear, i am such a lost cause!

This weekend has been beautiful going to Kelly's yesterday which was fun, getting drunk was awful and then waking up this morning and really wishing i hadn't drunk at all. Today i have revised and then saw Steven for a little bit and now my food is almost ready it smells so yummy, i still feel sick!

today has been SHIT!!!!

sleep x

today the inspectors were in and it went well, get well soon kimface :-) we leave next week for sure, nice. things are hard for me at the moment and i dont know why its like this feeling i cant describe. i need some tea babe. night night xx

dont blame it on the sunshine...

yeah so been away this weekend and it was so hot i have been cooked... nice!  really nice weekend away to the caravan, relaxing just bloody lovely. xxx good night xxx

Because sometimes you piss me off

A kiss with a fist is better than none ...


Lalalala

Ohoh break the lock if it done fit...

Oh ‘o’ oh

Then i set fire to our be ed...

Sweet i feel the love being buried deep beneath my skin, soaring through my blood and that’s the price i pay. I wont let you do this to me because i am strong, to the world are you listening me, yes me i am strong so get you filthy hand off me and let me go. Go flying through water. I open my eyes to see so quit spoiling my view with your ugly faces. I am always louder on the inside. See me some body see me. Stretch, Speak too me! Your the drum beat to my life and the water to my lungs. I want to kiss the sun because the sun kisses me. My honey bees swing from the trees and they taste so sweet, trickle down me and make me happy like most foods can please help. Dear music never stop. Age catch me up if you can i will never be defeated i will live forever and a day. When i am wrinkled with age and hunched over with wisdom call me and tell me you love me. ILoveYou. I will run like no ones watching just to hear the wind rushing through my ears. Every body Scream. Always standing just run away. Always and forever. My sweet cherry drop hit the floor and make it crack. I am me to the world. Don’t you give me any lip i am a legend. I will be the death of you because i am strong when you reach the brick wall around me try and climb it and i’ll add another, you can not ever reach me so stop trying. I am better stronger i have never needed any one but me so what’s changed my marshmallow dumplings?

I just want to live!!

When I AM ANGRY or pissed off I write. When I am overall happy and excited I write. I use words to show case my feelings. My concern is the world and that’s my ocean. The whole world lying at my feet and me, of all people, can pick and chose. My words chosen carefully like the beautiful patterns on butterflies, roaming and free wheeling. Life cruses through my veins. You have to feel things from the inside, standing outside and really feeling the wind moving through you and listening intently to the birds singing and just feeling. I just want to feel.

oh fuck you all

bad times not liking the sticky situation i have got myself into, i  need food, bed and a job see you soon xx

your mind gets burnt by the habbits you learnt!

the sun set tonight was amazing. i have no idea why i am choosing to stay up any later than i have too because i am obviously very tired. Every time my dad works a week on nights i have to share a bed with my mom because my selfish sister wont give up her bed but i guess its not so bad. (ay lulv yooh) trying really hard to get all my coursework in and its tricky, tricky tricky tricky tri... so yeah what was i saying about being tired oh yeah sleep!

My Humble Man xx

Life is too short to be boring!

Today has been just... quick. everything seems like it is going too quick at the moment. Where are you? xx

Sleep sleep all you need is sleep

Today has been fun going up town to get some holiday clothes that was manic then Steven came back to mine and we just chilled we have just got back from taking him home. so yes a good day :P my bed is calling so only a short post, night night xx

Keeping memories

Turn it up, Turn it up for the people that say... we're moving on but we'll be okay

Today has been just another day at the office. work needs to be handed in, boyfriends staying at home because his folks are on holiday, prom dresses being totally amazing. Loving every minute of everything. Sweet ass stuff. I really hope that it stays this. today has been bliss really, dancing around at lunch time to 'just dance' rather funny if you ask me. one more unit in ICT to be done at distinction and i am all finished.
I also need to raise £100 more for prom. It's an expensive one. I also had the content of my bag emptied onto a table no thanks to Stuart! Now i am loading all my pictures to my computer so hopefully it works (fingers crossed). Yay jacket potatoes for tea, sweet post you later.

remember that time...

Science coursework is boring. My back hurts. and my web cam is not working, i need help?? other than that omg i need some food and today has been good. i don't want to moan but i haven't seen my dad in forever and won't do until Monday evening i miss him and that's all i can't believe it is MARCH! where on this earth does time go? Sleep sounds good at the moment as does food! i hate (and i mean actually hate) secrets i want to scream them out at the top of my voice and let everything out so i don't have to hide it anymore it is such a weight on my shoulders other people's shit yeah because i really need that plus my mom has said she thinks i am stressed and that's why i am having health problems, because of prom basically silly really omg my rooms also might be having a makeover, sweet xxx It's done now
'remember that time you... oh nothing'
no need!
smell you later :P xxx (this was from like three months ago but my computers messed up!!)

oh yeah and the PILL!

Shit! I hate the sound of shouting it cuts through me like glass. Nowadays I don’t really know what I am doing with myself apart from eating myself stupid. I have this burning inside of me, growing tall, like a tree is holds many secrets and over the years it has grown much knowledge. This time it hurts growing older and it hurts. You think of all of the things in life you have experienced and times it by a million and you’re not even close to all of the things you could have done. Today I am sad. Tomorrow is a new day. The rain is still poring, it lashes against the ground and holds a rhythm of its own. The sky is murky and unpredictable reflecting on life itself. Sun shine and showers. Sometimes I feel my eyes begin to melt with absolute sadness and my lungs begin to cave and my heart beats a beat I am not sure of. It’s like that split second when you lean to far back on you chair and think you are going to fall. Falling all the way to the hard ground that gives no give. Lies hurt you know. But so does the truth. My chosen second language is sarcasm and it does me no favours. I hold your heart in mine and it fits. Sometimes I confuse myself. I am cold now and tired and as I lye awkwardly trying desperately to warm up I notice my eye lids slowly starting to become heavier and heavier, the moment I have been waiting for all day, and as I close my eyes I see you. You’re smiling that smirk that you do and your eyes... and then I remember, all these feelings and emotions flooding back, and your smile makes me smile and I am happy again. My eyes closed and on the other side all I see is you.

Mental Mondays

So nothing has been happening recently, apart from the fact i haven't blogged at all due to the lack of functioning laptops, sometimes it just gets so annoying. I just have so much to say all at once. Elsewhere in the world of Becky nothing has been happening apart from music, clothes, boyfriend, friends, family, exams its kind of all systems go at the minute. This weekend has been good yesterday i spent the day with Steven watching films and today i am spending the day with the lovely Nessa, listening to some sick tunes good music. Tonight i am baby sitting such a bore lol hopefully i can just send them to bed and watch TV. I am so tired lately mom thinks i am anemic which would probably explain me always being such a bore, cough*. Pulse it has finally started to rain again, you know i really love lying in bed at night and listening to the rain beat hard against my window, sometimes it can be quite soothing. I am definitely growing accustom to my boyfriends dirty habits too not that that has anything to do with anything. Such a cutie. I have just finished another book called falling for you, i am turning into a real book worm and i love it. I also attained a place at college which i am really pleased about (finally!) My prom dress is nearly ready. And every things going well. You know what feeling when your really excited and you don't know why like Christmas accept you know Christmas is coming and this turns out to be a complete surprise... well i have that feeling. Lets hope i get a job soon so i can spoil everyone i love so much. money, listening? i break the rules often enough i should have learnt by now but no, i could literally be the queen qorm of gormvill! It is strange to think that a couple of months ago my mom didn't know how long she had left, i guess my prayers were all answered and now shes okay, better, healthy, strong even, defying gravity as it exists. And we are happy. My family are so strong, i am proud of that. So this is sweet. Christ i need a wee so i will post some more soon hopefully very soon when i have a computer. xx --B-- xx