50/50

I don't know if i should laugh or cry. Today seems that much darker than before, you know just when things pick up the shit will hits the fan and reality kicks in hard. I hate shouting. The lord knows i hate shouting, it sends alarm bells ringing in my head telling me to run away and leave it behind. I know that sometimes running away from things never helps, to be brave you have to face up to them. Courage is something that lye's deep within your soul and swims through you veins happy to strike at any time. I am a Coward. I face nothing. Being who i want to be leads me to the wrong places. What a way to ruin my day. Sadness and crying are two things that i am not proud of, i think it shows weakness. Together they mean problem. What if i had shut my mouth, what if he wasn't standing there, what if she wasn't being her usually clever self, no of it would have happened. Oh the joys oh felling totally pointless. On a more brighter not i had my dress fitting today and my nan came to see me in it, bless her 'becky, how do i delete a photo?' 'go down' 'i have' 'a bit more' 'OH! i see' :-) then sitting in the garden talking a about life. Going to a peer mentoring/ learning mentors conference which was lovely. I really enjoyed myself there. Then coming home (blah!) then going out for a meal with the family from Australia, lovely again then coming home. I need to change my sheets before the guests come tomorrow, oh the joys :-)