Its Great :D

Bloody hell i really should keep these blogs up because i forget what has happened cant remember if i talked about that amazing night i had with my beautiful ladies?! Well if i didn't i had a really nice time staying up into the late hours of the morning 6/7ish that caught up with me, talking to the ladies was mint... its nice to have a second and even a third opinion we all brought some kick ass things, thanks guys x then on the Saturday i was at the town for 1 to get stuff for auntie jo's wedding, after an painful 4 hours we walked away with nothing, i was so tired :D the next day the weather was beautiful and my family decided to have a BBQ, so i invited Joshua along with aunt and uncle aka Claire and nick, had a very good time then after that we went to the pub with the next door/over the road and had a hold of the beautiful twins. then Monday came, we have a week of so i decide to tidy my room and wardrobe's that took all day and part of Tuesday they i went to get the shoes for the wedding, 5 and a half perfect fit, thank god! then went to see my nan to try all the stuff on together... looking good :D then about 3.30ish we went to pick josh up and really we just chilled it was nice we went to a Field to play tennis and i really was terrible damn it... then i took him to meet my great nan and grandad (josh: 'the German on??!') then on the way back the car completely broke down nothing was working i was like shit we have no luck with cars what so ever and now it is Wednesday i did the other half of the wardrobe and i have worn dresses and skirts since i lost my jeans last week some time, now i have found most of my jeans but don't want to go back to them so i wont lol i might go and do something productive and creative in a minute, i need the bluet stuff... so i am off x

p.s
Kim i am sure that things will come in time, it might just be a case of waiting... you and Connor are so right together after what happened before he wouldn't do anything to jeopardise his position as 'your boy' ... some dreams are just dreams. what you are thinking at that time, or in that day reflects when you sleep!?? i think that you are on about Kelly making a move but to be honest Kim i dint think she would ever have the nerve and Connor would never fuck up his chances. Time is good for you to reflect but don't look to deep because you begin to question yourself. as long as you are happy?! just ask yourself that, are you happy with your life at the minute. YOU are going to have soooo many opportunities in life just hold your head up high and don't worry, you are very talented and that will pay for itself babe. I hope this sorta helped hun, i am always here to talk a load of shit about life... love you girl so much :) :) :) xoxo

cool then xx

Life is treating me pretty good at the moment. Done a couple of gcse's (maths and resistant materials) feel good that they are out of the way, thank god. My friends are totally amazing i love them all so much. I really love waking up in the morning, going to school just to see everyone and to think in a years time we will all be going our separate ways, different paths to get ahead in life. I had a really nice time at the cinema with kim, connor and the boyfriend, joshua. Need to have my hair done now so will speak soon.

Sure...Sure

Today has been really nice, like the weather has been totally rubbish but apart from that a really nice day. I literally felt my face lift when i saw my boy walk in to third lesson today, i had missed him so much it is becoming a joke! He says he only came in to see me when he should have been at home resting, i find that totally cute, really sweet (he had four teeth out)bless him. He was funny at first but then it got better, more caring, i thought he had had enough of me. damn it!! It's all good :D I also had a cool time at dinner to, even though i felt as if my dinner that i had eaten was about to do a reappearances, the boys are sick and you know what, i don't even know what the fuck they were eating, all i could see was stuff with lumps in :( ewww... sick!! LOL i think i will always remember that. Kim Yau, a mint phone convo, i have missed them so much, we should do them more often lmao night all xoxo

Today has been a really nice day like a real sense of achievement i feel, the weather has not been too bad either(sunny and windy) the best we get in telford!! I really enjoyed lunchtime to day... limbo lmao GOOD times!! Mint friends and the walk up to the group

Becky:Nessa look
Nessa: what??
Becky: when we get to the top there will be, kim and connor - together, shellby and matt - together, and josh will carry on playing football!!
Nessa: LOL!!

Funny days until next time my limbo chums :) x

Okay :)

I really should stop taking shit from people, i mean seriously start standing on my own fucking feet! i HATE being pushed around and looking foolish! Stop taking shit Becky... i hate this... i really am happier at this moment in time then i have ever been before, but there is just sometimes that i hate... i mean just something that i cant put my finger on but when i think of it it leaves my empty and feeling sick. Nessa has moved on, found her own two feet, i am so proud of you babe i say keep up the good work. Kim has finally got the boy she wanted. Then there is me. Feeling trapped. Its so bad really, really bad i mean i don't know how much longer i can smile and pretend everything is fine. My eyes laugh and i cant lie. Everything is fine, the only place i feel safe is in someones arms... i don't want to become totally independent on him, not just yet and everything makes me uncomfortable it's shit. I feel the days are slipping through my grasp and i have nothing to show for it. I need qualifications to move on... but to where??! I don't see me in the future and never really have. Am i falling in to a mini form of depression or stress? i cant find anything enjoyable because it doesn't feel real! My mom says that she will always be there for me no matter what, i try and tell her but she brushes it off 'hormonal' quote! i feel i am also losing my friends and that is the biggest worry of all... in a desperate attempt to be the person i used to be, i am having a party, well my mom is and i can have 2 friends... my best friends! Kim and Nessa you are invited to mine (to sleep) on Friday 22nd may... i will give better details closer to the date. I just feel mean like i am hurting people and don't even know it... the dreams are getting worse to, sleepless nights due to the harsh truth! Despite all this i really am OKAY, happy even, i just want things to fall into place (i want don't get!!) i need to wait for my chance... it will come. :)

So this is where it ends me almost asleep again seriously shocking tut tut Becky WAKE UP!! see you next time i have a spare minute in this new busy schedule :) x

Weeks go on...

The holiday's are now over and i have not blogged at all due to lack of Internet and out of the whole of lawley and dawley the hilly house hold effected... yet again it shows my lack of luck. i would like to thank Kim for giving me a grand tour of wellington thank you for a great day babe... thanks Connor also and the lovely Joshua for a mint day. the weather was amazing yet i was still cold, as always! the 'did you kiss him, did you kiss him' scene was funny bless you Kim. I also had a really great day on the last Sunday of the holidays thank you Nessa got down to some girl time. i can't remember when i last felt so carefree and wonderful... the laughing fits have never felt so great, the 'is that his mom or girlfriend' - 'girlfriend it think babe' - 'yeah but you seen her face tut tut Vanessa i cant remember the last time i spit my drink everywhere. love you loads (L)work experience is cool i am now designing my own house which i am loving loads. I could really see my self doing something like this it is cool, and i feel so good about it... hard work??! so worth it! Full with caffeine and eager to go i get back to work. O and thank to my mother she is being so kind and she met me for dinner yesterday which was a surprise and i went and sat on the green in wellington eating some chips with me mom, watching the new collage kids thinking 'bloody immature' lmao until next time.

Good Times

Times!! i have had an amazing time in London, thank you so much for having me babe i love you and am going to miss you babe.. no tears this time!

I would like to dedicate this blog to my wonderful grandad who died 8 years ago today. I would like to say that i never knew you. I know more now than i did then, and feel that you were the same as my dad... apart from being a big pushover... he had a big heart and there is plenty of space for everyone in it. I remember the time when you played a trick on me and i locked myself in the bathroom hateful and i felt embarrassed and every one found it funny... accept me... i am sorry because now i look back and laugh and i wish that i could look back and laugh with you but i can't. It hurts me so bad i just want you close by because i never shed a single tear when you passed away, i thought you would come back with a grin on your face and offer everyone a free ice-cream, but you never did and as the years have passed us by everything has gone wrong... the family is apart, selfish so self absorbed i sometimes think if you were still here that none of this would ever had happened but i wasn't meant to be, you went so quickly and so young i don't think i could cope but i always say that we should not fear death.. it is the only certain thing in life from the moment we were all born, right??! I hope to god that you are proud of me and of the decisions that i make in life because you are not around to stand on your own to feet and speak for yourself, i just don't want people to feed me a false image of what you would be like... please just let me make you proud and the rest of the family because i try my best i really do... please take care of us all and Megan's grandad, who has recently passed away, so wherever you are make sure he is okay

love you lots grandad ice-cream, miss you loads xxxx

Lost :D

Kim we have to talk leaving it just makes me think of some really bad things that you may have done!! I had a really great day today down in covent garden i think that getting lost in London had to be my favorite part... the shops are all so cute and now i am broke (again). Walking miles to the nearest McDonald's was funny, and now i realise how much i really hate it. Sitting, eating, talking overlooking the traffic, we then noticed we were in fleet street (east London) we had to get to south London through the bloody busy streets of London! We were very close to st. Paul's cathedral, the wrong side of the river so we decided to head towards it... then realising it was a tourist attraction we followed the tour buses until they were out of site... we also found some random maps (that at first didn't have the river on, we were like is that possible??) then through a small gap in the towering buildings we could see the take modern, Mina believed this to be right on the river bank, my hair was flying dangerously out of control. We took our chances and continued to walk our Starbucks in hand to look oh so cosmopolitan. We walked hesitantly around the chaotic streets, i became much more confident to cross the messy roads. Crossing to see a huge bridge to the other side... we kinda like made it. Well me were about 3 bridges from tower bridge were we needed to go. We just... carried on walking until we made it to tower bridge... we had a photo there when we were little girls it was cool just the two of us today, taking photos having a good laugh... oh we have changed so much yet i still remain the clown of the crowd!! And just a question, who the bloody hell made the authentic cobble footpath for people to trip on ey?? Okay looks like it is time for tea thank you for a brilliant day babe xoxo

Today has been quite bliss i mean in all honestly i have done nothing! I finished my book that i started on Saturday It was amazing, twilight of course and i loved it. It is so much better then the film and that is saying something, so much more... ermmm... descriptive!! I have spent another beautiful dazzling day with Yasmina chilling watching films so to speak or just the telly... lol many pictures have been taken lmao (of me reading the book that i found hard to put down) another lovely meal, my complements to the chef :) and just talking Joshua as i write so all is good... just to note that Nessa rang me and woke me at... wait for it... 11.30 and i was still in bed, shocking (init) lmao love you babe were forgot to get up anyhow!!

still love josh (Kim it does sound wemo but it is and inside joke and you really had to be there!! okay)

he told me that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and knew that since year seven i was like shit!! EFFORT ;)

xoxox

Babe there is no need to worry, sometimes in life shit happens and you just have to deal with it hun. He has borough this on himself and if he feels that by moving closer to you and you family is gonna work out he really need to screw his head on a little and look at the situation he left you in, it has be totally self inflicted and you have nothing to worry about. God it makes me so angry to think that some people can be there one minute and the the other side of the world the next, just to get away from you and the messy situation that they seem to have left you in. Vanessa my love the ball is totally in your court, he has no hold over you, i know where you are coming from babe.

On a happier note...

i have had a brilliant day today heading on down to the O2 to watch a film the realised we were indefinitely late and missed every film that there was, and in London they have to have ID, i was like damn it lmao! The Millennium dome is huge. wow.l.. i really is cool!! as is Mina and Mina's friends had a really good time, 'lets do it again some time!'

and also...

this is the day of all days that i have only waited like forever for and believe me, that is an understatement. I now positively, absolutely, unconditionally L O V E... Josh... that is the biggest understatement of the year!! lol if you have no idea that i am talking about them please ring on 0800 i now have a boyfriend lmao!! only joking my phone is shit so ring Mina on 07791725615 to talk about anything as i am currently living the life of a slob in Mina house located in London... just ask for Becky okay any how yeah i guess that you could say we are together, and i swear down if you sit there and say awww i will cry and i hop if you read this you are smiling so there you go... peace out to all the hobo's lmao xoxoxox