ouch!

12 miles around lake vyrnwy on a bike, enough said :D

oh bloody hell!

Yesterday i had a good day with kim sorting out the prom tickets and today i haven't done much of anything just finished my book which was very good :) a good read was just what i needed! hopefully some time this week i will be bothered to do everything, i know i will make a to do list: ...

1. GET A JOB (another job because i haven't had a shift since feb)
2. sort out my coursework
3. sort out the porm
4. sort out my LIFE (that one comes with much time or never knowing me!)

i am banned from this so kind of need to dash xxx

16 and getting banned from things seriously when will your parents ever realise you have grown up and you need to move on i will be moving out soon, with any luck, and entering the big wide world you can't keep everything secret forever, i have to live.

i know. today has been lovely just chilling with kim wondering around the shops and in the gardens up town the weather has been great again and wearing a skirt proved to be a good decision. Eating loads of junk never going to be healthy with kim around. Last minute we decide kim should stay and so she is :) We had chocolate fondue and took loads of pictures lol it's nice to just talk about everything. hey it has been nine years today since my grandad died, so much has changed since then i  have changed since then for the better i hope but not the family, they are still shit. so much can happen in one single year, things happen and before you know it a year has gone, then two and then bang its been nine years since you sat alone in a smoky club watching people drink their lives away looking for all of the answers at the bottom of a bottle, nine years since you have seen the people you love fall to peices and cry, nine years since you have noticed everything changed, nine years since you watched you grandad being lowered six foot under and never coming back. too much too young. i miss you. & understand you are never coming back. loveyou xxx

Sun Shine

Thursday 8th
Yesterday i had a really nice time with steven, after not seeing him for one whole week, he came to mine and we had a BBQ it was lovely running around the garden drinking beer and talking it was just great.

dont you think there is a reason for everything.

Things to do:

• get back to being my usual self

and now i am happy again.

Friday 9th
Today i have just sat in the garden with my shorts on, reading and eating ice cream ,oh how i love this weather. Sun Shine at last! Finally able to catch some rays and relax. :p Bring on the week end.

Get well soon kim-face xxx(L)xxx

sweet like honey, speaking of honey...

Everything about today has just been so right, i have had a really nice day out with the lovely nessa the cinema was funny and very packed lmao roll on the good times x

T T T Tired

Spoke to by boy on the phone for three hours again today it was nice to catch up with him. looking forward to everything this weekend. the sun has even made an appearance. happy days. i actually am amazed how talking to people makes me so much happier but now i am ill not good everyone in my house is ill with something :( tut tut Becky an Early night tonight me thinks xxx

Happy 41st Birthday Daddy xxx

Dear lord, could you please warn me when somethings bad is about to happen i guess it would help.

Yay it's my dad's birthday today! i hope he had a good day :D i had a good day today which is good the lovely Vanessa came around and we watched some films and painted our nails it was nice we just had some down time, that was when i wasn't being asked to do the painting or getting drinks like seriously manic in the hilly house hold. speaking of hold, you did it again you will probably never read this but yet again you put me on hold just when you think things are good again they're not! At least you noticed this time, it helps and i can't wait for the making up part :D sleep calls, it has been for the lasting couple of weeks now and i don't know what it is but i just don't seem to be getting any honestly (moody bitch here i come) night, night.

Happy birthday the dad'ster, i love you loads xxxx

What happens after you fall?

Dear Becky

Dear Becky, cheer up.

Communication

How many different ways are there to communicate, email, text, calls, msn, post. what does it take to pick up the phone and put a little bit of effort in seriously (unless your dead in which case i am sorry). I actually want to swing a crowbar at someones head then ram it up there fucking arse not that i am pissed off or anything. some things never really change i guess. like the fact that girls will be girls and boys will be boys. I have had too much time hanging around and waiting on my phone, something i swore to God i would never do - you came into this world alone and you leave it alone so what difference does a phone call make. well actually i like them so yeah, that's a bit of a contradiction. these days i seem to be living for food. do you think someone can be born destine to do great things? i need to get out more, any offers? i guess i am free all week apart from Wednesday :-) Gosh i spend my spare time reading, so i guess i need saving more than anything, not that there is much to save. Silly really plus i am considering throwing my phone out of my window, i hate waiting. Waiting to me is like 'her you go becky here is a nice big fat cake but you can't eat it... ever' or 'you can have money when pigs fly' i find it so annoying and half the time i don't even really know what i am waiting for. cheese. How many lies do you think you tell in one single day 'are you okay?'- 'I'm fine!' or 'how was your day?' - 'okay' or 'are you mad at me?' - 'nope' half the time i don't know why i bother i need someone to talk some sense into me, if i will listen. "why is life so complicated?" - "because it's life" - "that's not an answer!" hopefully i am going out tomorrow with Vanessa. things need to get back to being sweet. plus oh yeah i now actually think i have some kind of shield around me not letting me communicate with anyone like no one answers my calls nore do they bother to return them and don't sign on to msn if your not willing to talk. I need more sleep but i hate that you know like just before you go to sleep and you think of all the crazy shit going on, and then i always think some poor old shit out there is so much worse of than me and in a strange kind of way that's comforting. so i am okay as far as everything goes, i am okay.